#66 If someone´s looking for an argument, you´ll never win.

Learn to identify when someone is looking for an argument, and don´t fight them back on it.  Something I´ve learned is that when someone is looking for an argument, you will never win.  And even if you defeat the basis of their argument, they´ll come back at you with something else, because they just want to argue.  They are unliely to be open to seeing anything through yor eyes, so step back and don´t give them your time. Respect their view on the basis that, no matter how wrong they seem (or are), they are entitled to their opinion and you can´t stop them having one.  Explain to them that you are both entitled to your own opinion and you´ll agree to disagree, and leave it at that.  Regardless of how much they antagonise you.

I understand that you are likely to be desperate to make them see a better way, but let it go.  Arguing with them will only have an impact  on you and your mental well-being, because you are the one that will suffer through the arguing- they´re probably enjoying it.  Don´t take the bait, step away and forget about it.

I have deduced that there are two kinds of arguments.  The first kind of argument is the one where the other person is hell-bent on arguing and have no interest of a fair argument, but have other insecurities or motives layered below their argument, which mean that for you, it´s not one worth fighting. The other is the kind where two people hold two different sets of beliefs and have a genuine interest in sharing those and trying to make others open up a little more to their way of thinking.  Depending on the open-mindedness of yourself and the other individual, you´ll hopefully meet some form of compromise in this kind of argument.

Finally, I don´t really believe in ´arguing´.  Debating is better than arguing (for me, debating is clearly articulating your opinions on a matter, where as arguing is allowing your emotions and other factors colour your debate, which isn´t the dictionary definition at all, but I think is the way we consider it to be in contemporary culture.) Debate is good and healthy, it´s how we begin to make sense of our world.  Keep your debates articulate, you are entitled to hold whatever opinions you wish to hold, and no-one is allowed to take that away from you.  Debate well little girl, there´s a lot out there to talk about!  Do it.


Arguing with Uncle Dan


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