#81 Your Heart will Mend

And the first time it gets broken is always the hardest, because you don’t have the experience to tell you it will.

I can still vividly remember the pain of having my heart broken for the first time.  It was some years ago now, I was living in London and found out that I’d been cheated on.  My ‘perfect’ relationship disintegrated overnight.  I couldn’t eat, was drinking copious amounts of wine and was prone to bursting in to tears on the Underground, or at any given moment.  The tiniest thing, a smell, a place or a sudden surprise memory would set me off.  I was so sure my life was finally heading in the right direction, and suddenly it was all snatched away.  I believed life would never be the same again.  I was wrong.  It got so much better than it had ever been before.

It took a long time.  It was months before I felt normal again.  We broke up in late October, Christmas was hurtling towards me, and I didn’t want it to come.  I was nowhere near happy enough to even consider celebrating Christmas.  It was February when I finally started to feel normal again; I lost a whole winter cocooned in my agony, believing I was the first person ever to feel like this, and that I’d never be happy again.  I can now tell you that four years on,  I am very much over that break-up. There were so many ‘wrongs’ in that relationship, that had it have continued, I would only have ended up more miserable further along the route.

Being broken up with is horrible.  Doing the breaking up isn’t much more fun either.  Remember, we have to break up with the wrong people, if there’s ever any chance of us finding the right one.  Hold on to that hope in those ‘Oochy’ heart hours.

I’m not saying it always easy to mend a broken heart.  Sometimes it can take a long time.  Some relationships may feel impossible to recover from.  Give yourself the time you need.  It’s fine to cry and be sad,  but know there are many happier times ahead.  Always.  I’m also not saying that there won’t be worse break-ups than your first, but by then you have the experience to offer you some grounding; knowing hearts heal eventually. In time, after the end of any relationship,  you will start to see more ways in which ‘that’ relationship was not the right one.

You don’t deserve to be in any relationship where you are not shown 100% respect, compassion, affection and kindness.  Remember that.  If you don’t have all of those things, it’s simply not sustainable.  Sometimes when we’re in love, we don’t see that we’re not being treated kindly, I urge you to always question whether or not you are.  Show yourself the respect and kindness you’d show to your friends, don’t let love cloud your vision of reality (maybe it’s just me that sometimes does this?)

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option – Maya Angelou



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